Gleeful: Starry eyed

Gleeful: Starry eyed

Here is a great photo of the heavens smiling down on us...

Thanks and Giving

.

Winter and Autumn seem to be playing tag. One day warm, almost 60F, the next cold at 28F dispersed by fog, rain, and falling leaves

On top of that, the heavens are smiling down on the world. I admit I am a space junkie, both astronomy and astrology fascinate me. I love the Winter sky constellations, Orion on his hunt is probably my favorite.

I spent last night in a pub with two of my good friends and we reveled in being girls. Laughing at historic shocking moments of our adolescence, and being thankful we were almost 2 decades beyond those times. I distinctly remember one lunchroom day as Junior in High School where we 12 of us were talking about how our lives were going to be when we were 35, how old it seemed then, how on top of the world we would be.

Some of those dreams seem silly, and others so far out of reach, I wonder if any of us made even 1/2 of them come true. I am thankful to say that I do have the husband and family I dreamed about, even if my husband is a different man than I imagined then, and my 2 girls and two boys turned out to be all boys. :)

Christmas is coming, and I am not all that excited this year, which is a first for me, maybe ever in my life. I usually enjoy every minute of the season from decorating the day after thanksgiving to the lights to special treats in the kitchen, Christmas eve, Christmas day, and the few days until the new year.

I miss that joy. I think perhaps I let myself feel too weighed down by the events out of my control, and perhaps I don't feel as if there are too many good thoughtful gifts to give or receive.

I told one of my friends she needed to write a journal to her 18 month old daughter of the things she did as a teen that she regretted, and the things she did that she cherishes.

That would be a great gift to receive, a little bit of history, and a glimpse of someone you love from a whole different perspective, their own.

That is what I am most thankful for, relationships and sharing moments, smiles, hugs and tears. I find that I am also thankful for the people who share glimpses of their lives in blogs and even for the bakery that sends me newsletter that shares the hearts of the owners and not just what's new in the business.. People I will probably never meet, but who warm my heart with their stories, and challenge my thinking.

The Mayan Calendar, 2012, and what next?

The Mayan calendar ends in 2012. Somehow, I find that more compelling than talk of an Armageddon, or the Rapture, or a nuclear holocaust. I think it must be due to the fact that this ancient civilization was one of (or maybe the) first to create a calendar for marking time, and the fact they created it so far into the future and then marked it with "an end"; well that just arrests my attention, i find I can't let it go.

So, for discussion sake, What if the world ends in 2012? That is 3 years and a few months, or possibly up to 4 years and a couple of months. What next?

I've been thinking on this questions for days now. It is hard to imagine living any differently, how weird is that? I guess I had a notion that if I knew exactly how long i had to live, I would maybe do things differently. But right now, there are only a few things.

One, I'd stop making my 13 year old go to school. If we wanted to go, fine, but if he'd rather learn about things through exploration of his environment, fine too.

I'd really like to show my kids certain parts of the world, so I'd probably take our meager savings, and an equity loan, and tour the world. I'd like to go to Africa and see Mt. Kilimanjaro, zebras, giraffes, and those really cool Trees. I'd like to visit the Chilean coast, The Fjords of both Norway and New Zealand, and swim with Dolphins.

As for the rest, I have a wonderful husband and four great boys, and we own a business that I enjoy 9 days out of 10. We have a decent house and mostly I am content. Interestingly enough though, I can't say I am overwhelmed with happiness. This puzzles me.

The only thing I can pinpoint is I hate worrying about money. I wonder, if my husband and I owned outright our three acres, and had enough savings to finish the updates to our home (door trim, new windows, etc.) were able to raise a few sheep, a few chickens, grow a garden, keep our orchard thriving, canned our fresh fruits and veggies, would I be happier than I am now?

Maybe, but I also know that I like to have some lazy days, and I can't imagine that would be the case if we were subsistence living. Maybe I am a slight worrier, and that surprises me too. I'll have to think more on that.

What next? I wish I knew.

Pondering the blues

I love September. Maybe because it is the month I was born, maybe I just love all the Fall colors. Something about the daylight, still warm but filtered in its intensity, the smells, and the sounds, invigorates me, it even has a taste, one i find myself craving. I think there is also a touch of intensity in wanting to savor these last remaining bits of Summer/Fall because all too soon it will be muted into the quiet calm and cold of winter.





I have been pondering this morning on why when it is my favorite time of the year, I have felt bluesy and disenchanted.





I think it is because I have not taken a small moment to eat lunch outside, or walk through the leaves, or chase my children and hear them laugh.





With that revelation...I think I'll take a walk and leave my head and all of its worries to seek a moment in the afternoon sun!


Ciao!








P.S. A Thank you to Gleeful, the Happiness Project, and Awake at the Wheel for inspiring this blog journey.